I sometimes feel so inadequate, so average, so lacking in skill and smarts and so unqualified for the task at hand. I see brilliant and talented people all around me and I think, “Why should I write, or create, or speak or give that project a whirl when a million someone elses could do it better?”
But for some reason, I press my small, trembling, hesitant, and behind-the-curtain-loving-self onto the stage and grab that blasted microphone anyway and then I sing my heart out. It’s just what I do.
I refuse to believe the lifelong and persistent voices in my head that tell me I’m not worthy or qualified or that I don’t really belong here like other people do. I showed up on this earth to be a full participant, and I am not bowing out until I have opened my heart and spilled out all of my gold, small or great as it may be.
What I know for sure is that when I am quiet inside, a still small voice that is clear, calm, and filled with unbounded love rises from the deep and reminds me of who I truly am and who every other person is too.
And while I still entertain rude and noisy guests inside my head, I know the living voice of peace is waiting by my fire’s warm hearth, to show me what I’m made of, and to bring me truly home.
Ok. I think I can do this today. Cheering to all of my friends out there too. Let’s do this thing!
D J H
You are a miraculous creation of jiving jubilation,
a galaxy of melody who serenades the vales-
a mystic wearing neon shades outside his castle gate,
a patriot with eagle’s wings, a sideways figure eight.
An eyebrow dancing confidant, a full-moon wide awake,
a visionary heart so pure, it brims twelve-thousand lakes.
A pilgrim of the holy grail who waits on bended knee,
and tunes his soul to hear his call from grand eternity.
Have you ever dared listening to another person without much on your mind?
I recently coached a successful CEO who wanted my professional input on how to introduce an innovative educational program to his employees. As he walked through the door and sat across from me, a few thoughts raced through my head.
- A guy this successful will want cutting edge tips, tools, and a creative plan of action to leave with to feel like he’s gotten his money’s worth.
- I’d better also come up with some great metaphors, connective stories, and relevant references, so his experience is rich.
- His line of work is not entirely familiar to me. How can I effectively speak to his situation with authority?
And so forth.
Instead of giving my thought stream any real airtime, I decided to simply let each whim go as it came. In short time, instead of pretending to listen to this man while chatting with my ego, I just listened. Not to my own agenda, but to him. He spoke for a good fifteen minutes straight, and instead of sharing every thought that seemed relevant, helpful, or impressive, I let each one go as it arose and came back to him with full presence.
The quieter I became, the clearer it became that my job was not to find his solution; it was to listen deeply enough so that he could find his own.
At some point, an authentic question rose up and out of my mouth and I asked it. He paused, put his two fingers on his chin to think, and spoke until he began to spark with his own a-ha’s. They were small a-ha’s at first, and at first I wanted to jump in with affirming words and personal insights. Instead, I trusted for his own wisdom to settle in, and I waited for him to see it for himself.
I began to notice that the more I listened to him freshly with nothing on my mind, the more clear, direct, and simple my insights came, and so did his. So when he finally asked me a question about his own potential foolishness and credibility, I answered him with the five-word observation, “It seems you’re just curious.”
And that was it. What once looked to him like taking a nervous risk, now looked like a fun game of marbles. What once looked to him like pinheaded prattle, now looked like innocent inquiry and play. In the moment he saw it for himself, his “bonus package” of pluck and perception and how to proceed arrived, and he brimmed with mirth.
Now the tendency of course is to say, “Hey, that was cool. Let’s unpack what just happened in that conversation and turn it into a strategy.” As if the genius of true creative intelligence could be replaced with a gimmick, which alas, it cannot.
This is why the often showy practice of ‘active listening,’ like leaning forward, nodding, making eye contact, and paraphrasing every 30 seconds or so in a effort to appear like we’re listening, doesn’t garner rave reviews. Stepping off the stage long enough for another person’s wisdom to shine through, however, can reveal the whole presented drama for what it is. A creative expression of thought, costumed in a motley of emotion, and acted out in the theatre of life.
Could it then be possible that the quality of our emotional experience in any given moment is not a result of a particular set, scene, or fellow players, but is in direct relation to the quality of our thinking about these things?
Could it also be possible, that when we listen to life with a quieter mind, we may more easily hear the truth of our divine identity, and our potential for peace and creation?
I’m curious what might happen if we began to listen to our spouse, children, colleagues and friends without the need to fix, affirm, negate, prove ourselves, or set the world straight. It might be a relief to trade in the director role for a seat in the balcony, eating our popcorn of peace, and cheering for one another with brightened trust.
What would you just love to create?
I am assuming that since you are a human being and not a squirrel, that like me, you have talents, habits, and dreams you’d love to see materialize. Perhaps again like me, you have bookshelves bursting with help, friends at the ready with advice, and digital pins of images and articles for a lifetime of go-get-em inspiration.
And then there’s that voice inside your head. You know, the one with the spotty counsel, telling you one day that you’re the bees knees, and most of the others that you just don’t even have the “it” factor to boil a pot of water.
We’ll talk more about that voice in later posts, but for now, I want to share a little something with you about the humble insight, and how it is the single most powerful gift for lasting change.
insight = sight from within
A little story to illustrate:
When my husband Hugh was twenty and single, he found himself playing soccer in a dirt field with a teenaged boy in Cañete Peru named Mario. Mario kicked the ball with skill, holding his left arm behind him as he traveled across the hot dust to the goal.
After their first formal introduction and a spontaneous connection, Mario invited Hugh home for dinner.
Mario lived with his parents and his older brother and a younger sister in a home with a dirt floor, corrugated metal walls, and a cardboard roof. Their food came by gleaning the fields after the harvest, and since Mario had lost his left hand when he was a small child, his parents and older brother told him he was useless to help, and would never make anything of himself.
One night by candlelight, Hugh sat with Mario in his home and spoke to him in broken Spanish of what he saw about Mario’s divine nature, his infinite worth, and his innate agency to choose liberty in his life through the power God.
In that unplanned moment of sharing, Mario saw something about himself he never remembered seeing before, and even more keenly, he felt it. Beyond the words being said, beyond the limits of language and context, Mario glimpsed something new that also felt true – a simple, humble insight into his deeper nature and identity, which sparked a hope for a brighter life, and an energy to take real action.
My teacher Michael Neill once said:
“When a stick floating down the river gets stuck, it doesn’t need psychotherapy, it just needs a nudge.”
Despite years of pain and derision, that nudge of in-sight, that “sight from within,” was all it took for Mario to spring into action with a bold fearlessness he’d never known before. According to Hugh, when Mario glimpsed his true nature and potential, he began by taking a leadership role in his family. Instead of being the one who was picked on, he began to be the protector of his younger sister, a counselor and guide to his brother and parents, and a leader in his community.
He even created a plan to earn enough money to travel alone to another country in South America, and share with other people what he’d seen – and he followed through.
Just before Hugh stepped on the bus to leave for home, Mario took off his prized soccer pin from his shirt and with emotion, handed it to Hugh.
From the stillness, light will appear.
What intrigues me about this story is that it didn’t take a library of books, a stack of credentials, or a star-studded seminar for Mario to see something new that would change his life forever. And while Hugh pointed Mario in a fresh direction of thought, the insight didn’t come through Hugh. It came straight through Mario.
What I’ve found to be true is that we influence another most profoundly when we do not try to change them at all, but simply love them, and respond to them in each moment with full presence of heart. I have also found that it is through this quiet place of open stillness, through this readiness to listen and to hear what we’ve never considered before, that our humble insights will come. And when they do come, and they will, ordinary people like you and me will possess exactly what we need to actualize our most extraordinary dreams.
Now I have nothing but admiration for the clever squirrel, but we can realize our talents, habits, and dreams because we are human beings. As such, we are each born with an inner light, a wellspring of wisdom, an innate intelligence, a creative force, an agency to choose, and an infinite, unchangeable worth.
I’ve noticed for myself that the less I pay attention to the noise inside my head, the more space opens up for fresh insights to come through. And when that happens, I find myself creating desired habits, skills, projects, and goals with more ease and less fuss than I ever imagined. The fun part is that like Mario and his dream of a better life and world, insights by nature come with a bonus package of ideas, energy, and initiative to know how to proceed, to make connections, and to create that very dream.
To all ordinary creators and friends, a day of miracles and insight to you!
I stood at the sink washing dishes with my single friend this past weekend who bemoaned her online dating trouble with a conversation that went back and forth like this:
“What if the guy turns out to be like my dad and ends up leaving me like my dad did my mom?”
‘That’s an interesting projection.”
“I’m sorry, but I have lots of past baggage and I just don’t trust guys to be who they say they are.”
“Can I ask you a question?”
“Yes, please. I love questions!”
“Do you trust yourself?”
“Well, no, of course I don’t, and here are the reasons why…”
The great guitarist Carlos Santana once said, ”Everybody sooner or later has to drop the luggage and the baggage of illusions.”
Santana is onto something, but I’m curious. What if the real illusion is that we have this “past baggage” at all?
What if my friend’s fear of a guy’s rejection isn’t a “thing” inside of her from the past that needs to be pried from her soul or unloaded like smelly socks from a suitcase into the abyss before she can have a happy relationship?
What if there was just one thing she needed to glimpse that would change her experience with men forever? And what if in that glimpse, she realized she no longer needed to poke, prod, patch, and proclaim this pesky story of her past anymore because she could see it for what it was?
This is the conversation I love to have with people. A conversation about solid principles that are simple, timeless, and freeing. I know, because in this light I can see more clearly that I’ve always been free. In this light, I can see that having thriving, peaceful, loving relationships is possible no matter my past because I know where my experience of life is coming from.
From what I can see, our experience of life is not coming from the past, no matter how popular that theory is, because that theory doesn’t hold true in all circumstances for all people. That’s the difference between stable principles, or laws of nature, and current conjecture. True principles bear out in the world of form every single time for every person no matter what we think of them. Conjecture, theory, or our very best guess, is often hit or miss.
Here’s a principle, said in a few different ways that I’ve been able to take to the bank with stunning returns.
- The only thing standing between me and my well-being is a thought.
- A thought is just a thought. They come and go, and I can watch them like clouds passing in the sky.
- I do not feel the past, my current circumstances, or the future. I feel my thinking about these thoughts.
- At any moment, I can have a new thought, and experience a whole new feeling about life.
- The more I see that my thoughts are like clouds that will pass, the less I try to manage them.
- The less I try to manage my thoughts, the more I can feel the warmth of the sun behind the clouds, which is always there.
- No matter the circumstances and thought storms of my life, the sun was shining then and is still shining today.
- I do not have to wait to be “healed” to experience this deeper feeling and a wonderful life.
- Peace is what is real and what’s on offer at any moment.
- All I need to do is look beyond my transitory thought and I will see.
- Peace is what I’m made of, and it’s free.
Looking back, when I asked my friend if she trusted herself, I wasn’t asking if she trusted her momentary thinking about herself. I was asking her if she trusted that clear, bright, untouchable place inside of her that tells her the truth in love, guides her to her promised land, and is the birthright of every single human on the earth.
Life is easier than we think, and surprisingly baggage free.
For upcoming classes or a conversation on practical peace and a wonderful life, don’t hesitate to be in touch with me.