Trebilcock Conviction: My Sentiments

 I know I need to write again, and I will, as soon as I can shove this cast steel anvil off my chest. As soon as I can let go of the idea that I can fix something that isn’t mine to fix.

I feel conflicted and burdened by the Trebilcock case for many reasons. One is that I too was adopted into a large, bi-racial family and to put it simply, it wasn’t easy. We too went through a criminal investigation that made national headlines when I was 13, and I can still remember the childlike protective love I had for my parents, coupled with deep personal anguish and fury.

And so my heart was wrenched in several pieces as I listened to my husband read the verdict. Both parents guilty of first degree criminal mistreatment of a son, including aggravating factors. Both parents guilty of third degree criminal mistreatment of a daughter. Both parents not guilty on counts relating to the three youngest daughters from Haiti.

I first felt mercy and pain for these people who had royally screwed up their own and their children’s lives. I then winced when the verdict of “not-guilty” was read in regards to the three youngest girls.  I was at once appreciative and irritated by the tinge of warmth my husband directed towards the couple as he gave his analysis and his verdict. Appreciative because I despise the common sentiment of throwing people away into a cosmic garbage can with no ability for redemption. Irritated that the parents weren’t given more of stern “speaking to” as to their crimes against children which they clearly do not yet perceive.

The sentencing trial is today, and more will be said then. I have to let this go. I have to remember that I couldn’t fix other people’s choices at 13, and I still can’t fix them. I can only do that which I do best, and that is to send out love, and to inhale and exhale, one breath at a time.


  1. Deborah on 08/25 at

    Just arrived in the field of thoughtful and loving words. I too felt devastated….and if you want to get dramatic….betrayed when I heard the verdict. The highest form of wisdom is kindness…rare indeed when delivered with truth and judgement. That’s what I experienced on Thursday. Judge Evans discernment and gift of clarity (with words that will not be forgotten) are answered prayers….Appreciation to the incredibly hard job your husband holds, and delighted to know the caliber of woman he gets to deliver spontaneous flowers to…..

    • Melanee Evans on 08/29 at

      “…the field of thoughtful and loving words.”

      Love this, Deborah and thank-you for sharing your feelings. Yes, balancing real kindness with truth and judgement is a gift and skill few possess. I am therefore, so very moved when I see it in action.

      I know. The verdict was truthfully hard on me. I felt so conflicted about it. Maybe not as conflicted about the verdict itself, as I did not hear all the evidence, but in the delivery of it. Because I know my husband. I know his spoken sentiments didn’t express the fullness of his belief about children and justice. But under the circumstances, there was nothing I could do. I could only be grateful that the merciful part of his heart was fully intact and hope he would balance his remarks at sentencing. Which I believe he did.

      I hope you are coming to a settling after the case. I know it’s taken me days to feel balanced again. I wonder if after these kinds of things we ever really are the same. In some ways, I hope we aren’t. I hope we are changed for the better. I hope we see with more clarity and awareness.

      Thanks again for writing in!

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