Affirmations? No Thanks.

she said, holding the gaze of all of the other attendees at the retreat. I stood in the center of the large yoga room, deciding whether I could honestly play the game.

“This exercise doesn’t feel congruent to who I am,” I said, knowing well what she would say.

“But you are amazing, right everyone?” Everyone cheered. “Just own it. Declare it! Say it.”

I just stood there because I couldn’t. Not because I lacked confidence, or as she said, because I didn’t know who I am. I couldn’t because the premise of the game felt unnecessary. I didn’t feel the need to prove anything to myself, or anyone else either.

“My name is Melanee, and I just am,” I said.

After more well-meaning encouragement to no avail, she let me sit down while others stood and declared in power stances their awesomeness, power, and talents.

I’m still pondering why I couldn’t play the game and still can’t.

Maybe it’s because I already know quite clearly who I am, at least on a fundamental level. Maybe it’s because I don’t need to convince myself. I know I have redeeming qualities and crummy ones too. I know my general purpose in life and I trust that I will be given every insight and ability to fulfill that purpose. Maybe that is what I needed to say, because that feels honest to me. It feels true.

I don’t need to be amazing. I just need to be.

That is all.  🙂

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