ON DATING, SELF-TRUST, AND LIVING BAGGAGE FREE

I stood at the sink washing dishes with my single friend this past weekend who bemoaned her online dating trouble with a conversation that went back and forth like this:

“What if the guy turns out to be like my dad and ends up leaving me like my dad did my mom?”

‘That’s an interesting projection.”

“I’m sorry, but I have lots of past baggage and I just don’t trust guys to be who they say they are.”

“Can I ask you a question?”

“Yes, please. I love questions!”

“Do you trust yourself?”

“Well, no, of course I don’t, and here are the reasons why…”

“Hmm.”

The great guitarist Carlos Santana once said, ”Everybody sooner or later has to drop the luggage and the baggage of illusions.

Santana is onto something, but I’m curious. What if the real illusion is that we have this “past baggage” at all?

What if my friend’s fear of a guy’s rejection isn’t a “thing” inside of her from the past that needs to be pried from her soul or unloaded like smelly socks from a suitcase into the abyss before she can have a happy relationship?

What if there was just one thing she needed to glimpse that would change her experience with men forever? And what if in that glimpse, she realized she no longer needed to poke, prod, patch, and proclaim this pesky story of her past anymore because she could see it for what it was?

This is the conversation I love to have with people. A conversation about solid principles that are simple, timeless, and freeing. I know, because in this light I can see more clearly that I’ve always been free. In this light, I can see that having thriving, peaceful, loving relationships is possible no matter my past because I know where my experience of life is coming from.

From what I can see, our experience of life is not coming from the past, no matter how popular that theory is, because that theory doesn’t hold true in all circumstances for all people. That’s the difference between stable principles, or laws of nature, and current conjecture. True principles bear out in the world of form every single time for every person no matter what we think of them. Conjecture, theory, or our very best guess, is often hit or miss.

Here’s a principle, said in a few different ways that I’ve been able to take to the bank with stunning returns.

  • The only thing standing between me and my well-being is a thought.
  • A thought is just a thought. They come and go, and I can watch them like clouds passing in the sky.
  • I do not feel the past, my current circumstances, or the future. I feel my thinking about these thoughts. 
  • At any moment, I can have a new thought, and experience a whole new feeling about life.
  • The more I see that my thoughts are like clouds that will pass, the less I try to manage them. 
  • The less I try to manage my thoughts, the more I can feel the warmth of the sun behind the clouds, which is always there.
  • No matter the circumstances and thought storms of my life, the sun was shining then and is still shining today.
  • I do not have to wait to be “healed” to experience this deeper feeling and a wonderful life.
  • Peace is what is real and what’s on offer at any moment.
  • All I need to do is look beyond my transitory thought and I will see. 
  • Peace is what I’m made of, and it’s free.

Looking back, when I asked my friend if she trusted herself, I wasn’t asking if she trusted her momentary thinking about herself. I was asking her if she trusted that clear, bright, untouchable place inside of her that tells her the truth in love, guides her to her promised land, and is the birthright of every single human on the earth.

Life is easier than we think, and surprisingly baggage free.

For upcoming classes or a conversation on practical peace and a wonderful life, don’t hesitate to be in touch with me.

11 Comments

  1. Dr. S. Brett Savage on 10/14 at

    Mel…I love you!

    I’m so Pro “present” … let’s face it, we have no past but how we are and who we are in the very moment of remembering it…and that re-membering is always in the present moment and reveals the condition of our own hearts. If we are “up to something” then it’s odd how everyone in our past was “up to something” or “out to get us.” If our hearts are right and good…we may see “faults in our historical stars” but we can continue in hope and good faith as informed actors instead of victims.

    I’m so blessed to have you as a past and present friend.

    I love you all the way from Tokyo!

  2. Tracy on 10/16 at

    Thanks so much for this post Melannee. It was exactly what I needed today! I was feeling like I needed to talk to a therapist and then this post helped me know exactly what to do. (You should be a therapist….after you become an author of great books that is) I will print this and keep it with me and read it often as I train myself to use my thoughts in a more positive way.

    A few hours ago I had my doubts about what kind of day this was going to be but now I know I’m going to have a beautiful day!

  3. Kristen A. Jenson on 10/17 at

    Melanie, I have come to learn that this is true. You can change your feelings at any moment by having a different thought. I’ve experienced this time and again and loved the reminder you gave me in this post!

  4. Hervé on 10/17 at

    Very nicely put Melanee

  5. Jon m on 10/18 at

    Very well said. Thoughts, I call it the guiding light of the moment.

    • Melanee Evans on 10/21 at

      Yes, Jon~ It is a guiding light that arrives in the very moment we need it, again and again. You are such a stellar example of abiding in the light of the moment. Thank-you, my friend!

  6. Jeff Petersen on 10/20 at

    Melanee, you are VERY talented writer. Your style is very much your own as well. Wonderful stuff!

    • Jeff Petersen on 10/20 at

      Apparently, I am NOT such a good writer, as I meant to say, “you are a VERY talented writer.”

      • Melanee Evans on 10/21 at

        Dear Jeff~ You are a very talented compliment giver, because your words made me smile from a very happy place. The music of the written word was my first love song, and I doubt anything will ever surpass my quiet passion for it.

        I so appreciate your unique work and presence of peace in our community, and in the world. Thank-you.

  7. Steve M Nash on 10/21 at

    Very nicely put, Melanee. A lovely collection of truisms for our daily living! 🙂

    Steve

    Ps Can we ever live baggage free? Or is the aim to be happy/okay with our baggage? 😉

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